I babble quite a bit in this one, but it’s worth a read.

So it’s about 630 pm, I woke up at about 1 pm, and I just did my third shot. Each shot is two bags, and usually it would’ve been my fourth but I had to wait for “my dude” (for those of you who don’t know who that is, it’s my dealer) to bring me my bundle. Each shot is two bags, sometimes if I have more than one bundle at a time I’ll do three. Each bundle usually is $100, but if they’re low and need the money for re-up or I have to go through my other person, than its around $140. I do two of these a day, unless we don’t have a lot of cash to spend, then it’s just one. 
The point is, addiction is fucking expensive, and I do a lot. And of course, a waiting game. 
When I say waiting game, it’s because drug dealers are known for being slow. Someone once said for every 10 years you’re an addict, you spend 7 of them waiting. And that’s 100% the truth, whether you’re waiting to get money, waiting for your dealer, or waiting for your dealer to re-up, you’re always going to have to wait somehow. But when you get it, it’s all worth it. The thousands of dollars a month, the hours wasted waiting, in that time when your needle hits the vein and the blood rushes in, in your addict way of thinking, it’s completely worth everything. And if you’ve done it long enough guilt sets in as well, why am I doing this? I’m ruining my life. But in a couple hours you’ll do it again. For people who don’t do heroin, they look at us like we’re fucking nuts. They say how much of fuck ups we are, how we must have diseases because we all share needles (I’ve been an addict for years and have never once used someones needle), and how we can quit anytime, we just don’t want too. How the sickness isn’t as bad as we make it out to be. Welllllll, those people are wrong. 
When you shoot heroin for the first time it’s like nothing else before. You have never felt this feeling before. The needle goes in your skin quick, the plunger pulls back, and the blood rushes in, I didn’t know it then but this has grown to be my favorite part. It’s my favorite part because I know that I’ve hit my vein and as soon as I push the dope in i’ll get the warm body, heavenly experience I’ve grown to need. I watched Drugs Inc on heroin and one of the many addicts they show said, it’s like a mothers hug when you have it and a fathers slap when you don’t. But that’s like saying the sun is yellow.. there’s so much more to it. It is everything, it’s so much more than you were expecting. When I first felt it, I fell into an oblivious, irresistible, infatuation. The rush was something that I’d never felt, it was so sudden. The fastest high I have ever felt. I was so scared of needles and always had been, so I was dreading it, and I was so scared that it would hurt. I didn’t know what to do myself obviously so I had one of my, then, best friends do it. She couldn’t find a vein and poked me a couple times, (she wasn’t very good at it because I had virgin veins and anyone else could have done it in there sleep) and then she finally got it. It took maybe 4 seconds and then, the rush came on like a ton of bricks.. It was insane. It went through my body as a snake goes through grass. My body temperature raised slowly but surely, and my heart rate slowed down. This wasn’t by any means the first opiate I had done, before this I did a lot of pills and suboxones, never addicted though. I also snorted heroin 3 or 4 times before I got talked into shooting it. After I got shot up though, I never once went back. It’s the highest high you can be, it’s the ultimate way of getting high. It goes straight to your blood stream. All that was going through my head was wow.. I can’t believe I wouldn’t of done this sooner. 
But that was then, and this is now. Now, I wish I would have never done it. But when I see that blood fill up, it feels like home in a sense that it’s normal to me. It makes me feel normal. When I push that plunger down it’s like I am set free. Without it, I am not myself. I’m sick, i’m crying, I can’t move, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything until I do my shot. Your body grows to need it and you go through withdraws, which i’m sure if you’re reading a blog about heroin addiction, you already know. We’ll talk more about withdraws, and everything else in other posts. Now I think i’ll wrap this up, i’ve been writing this one about all day, only because i’ll write a little, go do something and come back to it. It’s now 12:52 and i’m about to do a shot and get in my PJ’s. If anybody wants a specific topic to be brought up, please comment and let me know. This one I just randomly blabbered about anything that came to mind that second. I promise from now on my posts will be about one certain topic each day. Hold your heads high and lets have a moment of thought for the still, sick and suffering reading this and not reading this. Everyone have a good night and BE SAFE, most important thing. 
Anything anyone needs from me, don’t hesitate to comment, please. That includes advice, (I was just clean for over 200 days before I relapsed a couple months ago so I do know a thing or two about addiction and recovery) support, or even just to talk, I will literally help a fellow addict, a mother of an addict, a friend of an addict, anyone with anything they need help with. I love you all, and you are ALL worth something, please don’t ever forget your worth. 
I’ll be back tomorrow morning with a topic, now i’m finally going to stop babbling.